I'm Not Only A Hair Club Member, I'm Also a Magic Assistant

While the Magic wait patiently for July 1st to come to begin the shopping spree that is this year's free agency period, they apparently are getting started on contacting assistants.

According to the Houston Chronicle, a balding man by the name of Steve Clifford is poised to be the first hire of the Stan Van Gundy era:

"Current Rockets assistant Steve Clifford is close to becoming the first of Jeff
Van Gundy's assistants to move; he seems to be close to joining Stan Van Gundy
in Orlando."

SC used to work as an assistant under Jeff Van Gundy in Houston, where the baldness gene was presumably passed to him, following a stint as an assistant for the Knicks. According to Nyce_1, a news poster on OrlandoMagic.com, "Clifford graduated from the University of Maine at Farmington with a degree in special education. He played four years with the Beavers, earning Best Defensive Player honors in his final two years while serving as team captain."

Ron Jeremy is coaching the team, and who is his first potential hire as an assistant?

A guy who 'played four years with the Beavers.'

God I love America. You can't make stuff like this up.

Alright, I will end the Ron Jeremy jokes there, since I have to make sure to save them up for the regular season. The exciting thing about this potential hire is that it represents a direct link with the brothers Gundy (like the Brothers Grimm, but with suits). I can only assume that when Jeff turned down his younger brother's request to be an assistant, he told him that he would make up for it by helping his older brother out. This most likely was accomplished by Stan sitting on his younger brother's chest and giving him wet willies and noogies until he relented. I say we reap the rewards from Houston before Adelman can even buy his first Texans jersey.

A bigger question lies in whether Van Gundy can get some assistants from the Heat without compensation. Bob McAdoo and Keith Askins are two great people that SVG would love to have, if he can pry them from Pat Riley's gnarled, pentagram-marked hands.